This is a question that I keep asking myself as I reexamine my past with the new knowledge that I have Hashimotos. I don't know when it actually started. There is no way to definitively tell because no doctor until recently was wise enough to actually test for it. But I have hints that make me believe that I have had it most of the past decade. In about 4-5 years ago I even remember asking a doctor about my thyroid. I had no clue what the heck it was but I had a friend mention how a friend got theirs checked out and hit help so I asked. He felt my thyroid and said, "yah, it is a little bit inflamed, but nothing to worry about. I don't think you need to see a thyroid specialist". I really wish I would have ignored that professional opinion. But oh well, I don't know how to change the past so it is what it is. But I do control the now which has a bit of an affect on the later so I figure its wise to clean the lens of my past with this new data so I can see my life more clearly as I make thousands of new decisions a day. Best base all of those off the most accurate version of self and the world that I can.
When you have something so drastically revelatory happen in your life I think it is natural to then start to question everything. I think this is a beautiful but painful state to be in. I have been in it once before when I realized I don't believe in that zombie Jesus dude and his dad.
For years I had struggled with depression.. or did I? Was it actually just an autoimmune flare up? "Just", right? hah, if only. I'd trade my Hashimotos for depression any day. Both suck but I feel personally feel more in-control of my mind than my body. Damn little cells trying to kill me no matter how happy of thoughts I have.
So I look back, when I was tired, unmotivated, blagish, was I actually depressed? Or did I place such a high value on my personal productivity that the moment my body started to scream at me to slow down I took that as depression? I mean is the water salty or is the salt watery? 🤷 I think it was bit of this and a bit of that. But looking at my past decade of existence with this new lens has helped me better understand myself. I was depressed, but I was also struggling with another hidden pain. One still hidden from myself. All those times I beat myself up for not doing more, or not being able to work out as hard or keep up with all those around me, it makes a bit mores sense now. It wasn't me being lame, it was actually just the wrong part of me being super active.
IDK, where I was going with this. I think I had more insights but I lose them. Maybe I will edit this later.